Nostalgia is a powerful force. Like a gravity-powered tractor beam, it lures us inexorably to the past. Gazing longingly at the seemingly simpler times of our youth. Nostalgia infused media is like human catnip. So, it’s saying something when not even the potent power of nostalgia can make G.I. Joe: Wrath of Cobra worth playing.
A side-scrolling 2D beat ‘em up with retro visuals, G.I. Joe: Wrath of Cobra draws heavily on the gamer goodwill engendered by games such as Streets of Rage 4 and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge. With a starting line-up of four classic G.I. Joe heroes to choose from – Snake Eyes, Duke, Scarlett, and Roadblock – and a veritable sea of Cobra villains to punch, kick, and shoot through, you’d think this particular franchise in this specific genre would be a match made in heaven. Sadly, G.I. Joe: Wrath of Cobra is one of the lamest 2D beat ‘em ups I’ve ever scrolled left to right through.
Speaking of scrolling, why doesn’t this game do it properly? Beat up all the enemies on the screen and the flashing indictor pointing to the right pops up. Head off in that direction and the screen just kinds of stutters, puffing away like a first-time jogger, dragging itself to the next screen with a lethargic frame rate. Indeed, throughout the game the frame rate drops to prehistoric levels, leading you to wonder whether your PS5 is feeling alright.
And let’s be honest here, G.I. Joe: Wrath of Cobra ain’t much of a looker. Character models are ill-defined and ugly, lacking any of the retro-charm promised. Move-sets are also pathetically limited; a punch, a kick, a running attack, and a special… that’s about it. There’s one gun type that enemies drop to pick up occasionally and that really is your lot. With so little to do, combat is a boring slugathon, fighting the exact same enemies again and again. There’s little required of you and you’ll soon be at the end of the game having hardly broken a sweat. Your console, though, will likely be inexplicably crying as it tries to keep G.I. Joe: Wrath of Cobra running through those frame drops.
Despite the phenomenal selection of villains that Cobra provides, every boss fight is pretty much identical. A bad guys turns up and unleashes the same cookie cutter selection of moves you’ve already dealt with numerous times. Quite how you make iconic cartoon characters like Destro, Cobra Commander, and The Baroness visually boring and unremarkable is beyond me, but somehow the developers have managed it.
Other than the brilliant cartoon-inspired opening theme-song and spot-on arcade soundtrack, there is little to recommended G.I. Joe: Wrath of Cobra, even local co-op play can’t drag this one out of the doldrums.
